Friday, 27 January 2012
My Little Son of a Gun
Should I Break Up with My Pediatrician?
Actual photo of our first pediatrician.
Parenting.com offers five signs that you need to switch pediatricians, but I think they actually missed a few important ones.
Here are Parenting.com's reasons to switch:
1. You can't get a word in edgewise. If your doctor doesn't give you the opportunity to ask questions, that's a problem.
2. Your doctor doesn't follow through. If your pediatrician says he or she will call you back in a given time frame, and doesn't, it's a sign the office is overwhelmed and may not be able to handle its caseload.
Related: 10 things you should NEVER say to a mom
3. Your doctor is a pushover. Parenting.com gives the example that if you go to an appointment dead-set against a vaccine, the doctor has the responsibility to fill you in on why that may not be the best choice for your child. Your doctor should have opinions (but shouldn't force them on you).
4. Your doctor rushes through a physical exam. Does your pediatrician rush through well checks? Not a good sign.
5. Your doctor is not board certified. Gaahhhh, what? It never even occurred to me to check on this (although I did after I read this article), but there are pediatricians who are practicing without board certification. Check to see if your doctor is board certified at the American Board of Pediatrics website. Don't see your doc there? Don't freak out. He or she may be listed under a specialty at The American Board of Medical Specialties. If your pediatrician is a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine, he or she should be listed at The American Osteopathic Association.
Related: 7 (not so serious) stages of speech development
Parenting.com also says the occasional long wait for the doctor isn't a good reason to switch: it means the doctor is spending enough time with each patient.
I've got three more reasons you might want to consider switching:
A poorly run office. A good friend of mine just switched pediatricians because the doctor's office staff was just plain rude. The occasional long wait had turned into the every time wait because the practice was so over-scheduled, and it was hard to get through on the phone. If your doctor's office can't handle answering the phone, can it handle, you know, not losing your kid's file?
Your kid doesn't like the doctor. Does your pediatrician have all the bedside manner of Dr. Evil? If the doctor doesn't take a minute to be friendly and playful with your child, she's not going to grow up wanting to be open with her doctor, and that's a real problem.
Your doctor dismisses your concerns. This is more than just not listening. This is listening, but not caring what you have to say. I can't emphasize enough how much this pisses me off.
Related: 10 very real and ridiculous reasons kids are late to school
When my twins were born, they cried a lot. Even as a first-time mom, I knew that something was wayyyy the hell off. It just seemed like they were in pain all the time, but especially after they ate. I kept asking our pediatrician, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, about it. His response, I kid you not, was:
"Babies cry, Mrs. Gray."
Yeah, they do. But they don't cry like they're being stabbed, 80 percent of the time they're awake.
By writing down exactly how much they ate and when, and when they cried, I realized that exactly 40 minutes after they had a bottle, they screamed, arched their backs, and wept. For their six-month well-check, I timed one of my daughter's feedings so that she could demonstrate this nifty trick at the pediatrician's office. This time, the pediatrician said:
"Well, that's not normal."
He then decided to schedule a test for acid reflux, but just for the one baby that was screaming. Over the deafening noise, I tried to explain that both babies did this, I just didn't time both their feedings for office freak-outs, because then I'd be at the doctor with two screaming babies. Dr. Doofenshmirtz didn't seem to think this was enough "evidence" to warrant ordering a test for both babies.
Related: 15 things I can get away with because I have kids
At that point, I had a long overdue, good old-fashioned Mommy Freak-Out. I explained that he was out of his damn mind if he thought I was going to cart two infants into the city so that one baby could have a test that both needed. I basically demanded that he write the orders for both babies, and then gave him the Mommy Stare of Death until he begrudgingly did so.
Our new pediatrician, Dr. McDreamy.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz's practice tried to charge us for transferring the girls' files, but I again explained the part about them being out of their damn minds, and that charge was waived.
When the girls' reflux tests came back showing that they indeed had severe gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), Dr. McDreamy referred us to a top pediatric gastroenterologist and we got that situation dealt with. As our twins continued to struggle during their first two years, our pediatrician supported us and coordinated care with gastroenterologists, allergists, dermatologists, pulmonologists, and orthopedists.
Related: 10 things you didn't know about babies and sleep
Fast-forward a few years, and those little girls had two younger siblings. The single-doctor practice I thought wouldn't have enough hours for us? Yeah, he calls us on the weekend to see how the kids are. When our youngest was nine months old, Dr. McDreamy literally saved our son's life with his frequent phone calls to check on our son over a weekend. He eventually had us come see him on a Sunday afternoon, and then sent us to the nearest children's hospital, where Little Dude was treated for a rare, potentially life-threatening disease called Kawasaki Disease.
Did we make the right choice in changing pediatricians? You bet. I am still thrilled with that decision. We now have four healthy, happy, amazing children who rightfully adore and trust their doctor.
Changing pediatricians is not a decision to take lightly, especially if you have a long history with that doctor. But it's important to remember that you're the client, you're the advocate for your child, and you have the right to make changes when it's the best thing for your family.
- By Joslyn Gray
For 7 tips for decoding your baby's skin irritations, visit Babble!
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Organize Your Life: 5 Apps for Family Organization
LilSugar
Today's busy families need smart solutions to stay organized, and the first place we most often turn to is: our phones! You'll find a plethora of apps designed to help keep your life in check by tracking appointments and daily chores, and syncing grocery lists and family calendars with your spouse's and kids' phones. Keep reading for our five must-have apps (four of them are free!) to keep your family organized, and start downloading your way to a smoother schedule!
1. Cozi (Free): The free Cozi app lets you manage your family calendar by adding appointments, setting reminders, and uploading to-do lists that all family members can see! Cozi works on your iPhone or iPad, Android, BlackBerry, or on the web, and your updates automatically sync to all users connected to your account. Cozi can even send emails confirming appointments to any family member's inbox, or text them directly. Also keep track of memories and photos in the Cozi family journal.
2. Grocery IQ (Free): Awesome shopping app Grocery IQ lets you set up lists for multiple stores, organize your shopping by aisle, and print lists and coupons via WiFi. You can even add last-minute items that will sync directly to your spouse's phone when you send him to the supermarket. The app is also available for Android phones.
More from LilSugar: Add These Award-Winning Books to Your Tot's Bookshelf Today!
3. Chore Hero ($3): Chore Hero offers a fun way to organize and track household chores every week, teaching your kids responsibility in a fun way. When they complete chores, they earn points, eventually moving from Chore Newbie to Chore Hero. Assign duties to various people on different days, or let the application pick a person at random.
4. Family Organizer (Free): Family Organizer helps you simplify your schedule and manage your family life with a shared to-do list, calendar, and grocery lists. Family Organizer also offers text or email reminders and lets you sync the app to your computer to share info with your spouse and kids.
5. Remember the Milk (Free): Manage all of your tasks from anywhere with Remember the Milk. The app works across all platforms (iPhone, BlackBerry, Android, email, Google Calendar, etc.) and sends email, text, or IM reminders. Remember the Milk also lets you share tasks and lists with any contact (i.e. your hubby) and create Smart Lists that automatically update depending on how you tag your tasks (priority level, due date, category, and so on).
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Ask the Name Lady: How Bad Are These Initials?
Have question about nameS? Ask the Name Lady!
My husband and I are expecting our first child. My husband especially likes girl names that start with "V", but our last name starts with "D", which instantly makes me think of the common abbreviation for "venereal disease"! I just can't give my child the first and last name initials of "V.D.", but would it be acceptable to still use a "V" name for the middle name, or would that still bring up the "V.D." connotation? We're also considering a first name starting with "E", but will "E.D." make people think of "erectile dysfunction"? I'm probably over thinking this but I know children with the initials "B.S." and "B.M." and couldn't help but think that their parents should have thought about the initials a little more.
- Initially Challenged
A: These are challenging times indeed for the initial-sensitive. Between text-speak, marketing speak and good old-fashioned slang, these days there's an acronym or abbreviation for just about everything. Pity the poor parent who sees the worst possible meaning in every set of initials. If you look hard enough and are good enough at wordplay, you'll find unsavory associations in countless pairs of letters, not to mention name anagrams and spoonerisms.
With the last initial D you're in particularly hairy territory. Even if you choose a "clean" initial pair today, there is no guarantee that tomorrow the medical community -- and its pharmaceutical marketers -- won't discover some new "Disorder," "Disease" or "Dysfunction" that KOs your perfect initials.
Because two-letter pairings are so limited and can carry so many different meanings (does BS mean spewing nonsense, or a bachelor of science degree?), I tend not to worry too much about first-last initial pairs. The initials B.O. didn't stop Barack Obama from becoming President of the United States, after all. Look around and you'll find plenty of successful people past and present who have borne your feared V.D. and E.D. initials without you even noticing. Try V.D. movie stars Vin Diesel and Viola Davis, or E.D. poet Emily Dickinson and tv host Ellen DeGeneres.
So instead of focusing on pairs of letters, look closer at trios. You can get away with almost any pair better than a three-letter initial set of, say, Philip Ignatius Gordon or Amanda Sophronia Simms. In your case, look at the middle name as an opportunity to soften your problematic pair to a lovely monogram like V.J.D. or E.F.D.
P.S. -- that "common" abbreviation V.D. isn't so common any more. For your child's generation, the initials to watch out for are S.T.D.
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Don't Seize the Day: A Case for Enjoying the Smaller Moments
time
Not only do we feel like we have to feign happiness at all times, but we have to appear productive all the time, too - especially in a place like New York where everyone is either an obsessive overachiever or a chronic underachiever trying to tap into their blocked potential.
So my heart began to sing and my head began to nod in agreement when I read Glennon Melton's essay Don't Carpe Diem over on Huffington Post. In it, Melton admits that (of course!) she doesn't love every second of every minute of her life, and more importantly, she doesn't feel pressure to.
Related: 12 silly ways life changes after kids
While describing the mind-numbing chaos of every day parenting, Melton suddenly turns and says:
Last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: 'Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast' …. I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, 'Thank you' …. That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though. There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, 'No, but I love having written.' What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, 'Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?'
She goes on to further explain what she means by the distinction, detailing her experience as a mother as it relates to her experience with time. She says:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.
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I have a lot of single, childless friends, so I don't hear "it goes by so fast" as much as Melton might, but I do get asked all the time about how I'm doing. "How are you? How's your daughter? How's everything? How's your career? How's blogging? What are you up to?" Recently all I've been able to muster in response to these well-meaning questions is, "I'm fine. Everything's fine." The hardest one for me to answer, I think, is, "How are you?" Because really, I don't know how I am lately. I've had so much going on in my life, and at the same time so little, it's hard to give people what feels like a satisfying answer.
"Well, I'm fine. I drop my daughter off at school, I work, I pick her up, I work. We eat, I put her to bed, I work. I'm either writing or performing. I was dating someone. I'm not anymore. I was in court with my ex. For a long time. It was exhausting. I walk around in a fog a lot of the time. I'm isolated. It's hard being a single mother in some respects. And yet I don't feel like I can really complain. I'm happy. I think I am."
I don't really know how I feel. Not right now. I am going through so much personal evolution. I'm tired. I'm dehydrated. But I hardly drink alcohol anymore. I'm doing well. I'm not doing well. I'm learning. Constantly, constantly learning. I don't really like the bougie neighborhood I live in, I can't relate to most of the people who live here, but I'm happy my daughter goes to a good school. I have mixed feelings about New York City, the entertainment industry. I miss my mom. My mom and I don't get along. I'm funny and brash. I'm feeling like I'd rather be quiet sometimes. I don't know why my life has turned into a poor imitation of Alanis Morissette lyrics, but it has.
Related: 10 things you should NEVER say to your daughter-in-law
I moved back to New York City after having lived here for seven years, then choosing to leave to save my marriage. I discovered my marriage was a sham. I'm going to therapy, not to deal with that, but to deal with everything that led me to that. I'm being a good mom. I'm trying to have fun. I don't know that I've yet mastered a balance. "I want to feel like I'm conducting my life." That's what I told my therapist back in May. I feel like I'm just going through the motions a lot of the time.
But like Melton, I experience moments of transcendental bliss. I so appreciate Melton's feeling and writing when she says, "… when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is - This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God - she is so beautiful. Kairos."
I have those exact moments with my own daughter, at least once a day, and to me, that's enough. Because honestly - how many people can't even say that? My mother never took the time to just stop and *be* with me, and I think as a result I have always known I would make that conscious connection a priority when raising my own child. But we can't be present every second of every moment of every day, because as Stephen Sondheim so eloquently put it, "Oh, if life were made of moments, even now and then a bad one! But if life were only moments, then you'd never know you'd had one."
Related: Mommyhood Confession - 8 things moms do that irritate me
And I don't just enjoy kairos moments with my daughter, but in my personal life, too. Unlike Melton, I don't have a husband to watch TV with at night, but I do have tons of great friends and fellow comedians and I love the chances I get to spend time with them. Being on stage is a different experience now that I'm living with the responsibilities of single parenthood. It's not something I take for granted. Performing offers me an opportunity to exist in kairos, and hopefully to have that godly spirit move through me and out into the world for others to share.
"If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success," Melton writes. "Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day. Good enough for me." How about you?
Before I close, I'm reminded of something Carrie Fisher wrote in her book/solo show "Wishful Drinking." She said, "Happy is one of the many things I'm likely to be over the course of a day and certainly over the course of a lifetime. But I think if you have the expectation that you're going to be happy throughout your life-more to the point, if you have a need to be comfortable all the time-well, among other things, you have the makings of a classic drug addict or alcoholic." I'm trying to learn how to be comfortable in moments that are less than exceptional. During the boring parts. I'm learning how to be comfortable being uncomfortable, dissatisfied, unsure. I'm trying to allow myself - for once in my life - to be gloriously normal and plain and simple without wanting to "explode into a rainbow of chicken nuggets," as my friend Desiree would say. Because in the end, that's probably the best thing I can do for my daughter. And I guess myself.
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Thursday, 26 January 2012
How I Made My Child Feel like a Failure
How I made my child feel like a failure...
We constantly push our kids to "be performers," excel at activities or in school and be the best at what they do, whether we consciously do it or not. Obviously, we have lofty goals for them and to make them better than what we will ever be. But when that desire to achieve clouds your better judgment, it can hurt your kids in the long run. It is your job as a parent to protect and nurture your kids, not cause complexes that lead to years of therapy.
But sometimes things go wrong. And this just happened to me and my daughter.
Related: Bad Dad Confessional - I swear in front of my kids
Ok, before you all start freaking out or dying of curiosity about what happened and how I horribly scarred my daughter for life, how she will never be the same and how as a father, I'm checking myself into a parenting, self-help institution, I will tell you now that it really wasn't that big of a deal. I'm just using this as an example of the larger theme and to let you all know, sometimes, this stuff just happens, despited our best efforts.
Here is the scenario, and if you want to see the evidence, you can just watch the video below. Basically, I'm a bit of a slacker dad. I'm really behind at teaching my kids how to ride a bike. My older kids learned but learned late. But my youngest was next in line. During the summer, I had spent an hour or so trying to get her off the training wheels and wobbling around a parking lot. But after that one day, that was pretty much it. The training stopped.
So, I was lucky when I was asked to review a nifty gadget called a Gyrowheel on my site. It's a pretty cool bit of technology that uses battery-powered gyroscopes within the front wheel to cause it to be much more balanced and stable. And it eliminates the need to use training wheels.
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Training wheels are evil actually. And if you are a dad and are reading this, I'm sure that you have or will deal with them at some point in your kid's lives. I won't go on any more about the Gyrowheel (just read my review here) but instead cut to the point of this story.
In the setup of my daughter's bike, I failed.
I put this snazzy techno-wheel on in reverse. So, essentially, instead of making it easier to ride the bike, it made it much harder. So, I got my kid on it and told her to ride. She wobbled around, swerved off the road and simply couldn't control her bike. I just told her to ride and video taped the process. She wobbled, I yelled "Go!", she got weepy, I shouted "Keep pedaling". Nice dad, right?
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We tried over and over and I could see her trying to make me happy by pedaling her little heart out and struggling to keep it upright. As she told me she didn't want to try any more, I FINALLY accepted that something might actually be wrong. So I tried the bike myself (again, see the video below).
When I pedaled the tiny bike, I definitely could tell that there was something very wrong. Then I realized, I had put the wheel on backwards. Once it was flipped around, everything was magical. My daughter was up on the bike and pedaling like mad, balanced, confident and happier. And I filmed her and her riding progress, feeling incredibly sheepish and like I was an awful parent for not only pushing my kid to do something but also being in denial that something might be wrong.
Luckily, we transformed a moment of mutual failure to one of mutual success. She was riding, and I no longer felt like a horrible parent. But next time, I probably won't push as hard and I definitely won't rush to assume that she was doing something wrong or that I was always right.
Have you ever set your kid up for failure, pushed when you shouldn't have, or assumed that you were right? I'd love to know your story! Leave a comment.
- By Michael Sheehan
For 10 signs that scream "I'm a dad," visit Babble!
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A Dad Asks: How Do You Raise Pretty Girls?
Raising pretty girls ...
Which is how I started watching the movie. With the wide-eyed wonder of the ten-year-old whose tummy felt all funny inside the first time he saw Sandy, her fair complexion, cardigan sweater, full-length skirt and prudent yet playful ponytail.
But by the end of the movie, my perspective had changed to that of a 42-year old parent.
One who was disappointed that Sandy had altered who she was to land Danny. Especially given that Danny was willing to become more wholesome to win her over, as evidenced by his letter sweater and all it took to earn it. (Funny how all that never hit my radar as a child…)
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What kind of message is that? I wondered. Being yourself isn't good enough, girls. To get the guy, it's best wear super-tight spandex. And, if you're feeling it, call Romeo a stud as you stomp out the cigarette you don't even know how to smoke with your four-inch, hooker pumps.
I'm in that phase of life where it's impossible for me ponder such situations without thinking about the two beautiful little girls I'm raising the best way I know how. Which begs the question:
What can I do to help assure that my girls don't make the same mistake Sandy did?
In a piece Pat Archbold wrote for the National Catholic Register, he touches on the matter when he laments the death of "pretty," a term he defines as "a mutually enriching balanced combination of beauty and projected innocence."
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He contends that nowadays, women prefer to be regarded as hot and that while "pretty inspires men to protect and defend it…hotness…is a commodity. A consumable."
In my opinion, Archbold's interpretation of pretty, what with the protect-and-defend bit, comes awfully close to a dated concept of delicate defenselessness (which, ironically, is the type of subjugation which the Sandys of the world were probably trying to escape). Still, I understood what he was getting at.
Especially when I read the following:
"Who can forget how pretty Olivia Newton John was at the beginning of Grease? Beautiful and innocent. But her desire to be desired leads her to throw away all that is valuable in herself in…hopes of getting the attention of a boy. In the process, she destroys her innocence and thus destroys the pretty. What we are left with is hotness."
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Again, my definition of pretty differs from Archbold's. To be pretty in my book, all you have to be is yourself. Too often, people morph into personas, projecting the very image they suspect others want them to be rather than simply being whoever they are.
Take a close look around and I promise you'll see as many personas as you will people. Probably more. And when Sandy switched gears from wholesome do-gooder to sultry sex kitten, Archbold says she went from pretty to hot, and she may have. But I'd be more inclined to say she that went from a person to a persona.
Regardless of terms, Archbold and I are on the same page in that we both found Sandy's transformation to be a disappointing one. Which leads me back to my question: what can I possibly do to help assure that my daughters don't make the same disappointing mistake that Sandy did?
Related: The Ron Swanson Guide to raising boys
While Archbold's piece didn't help me find the answer, four words therein have helped me to narrow the search - the "desire to be desired." Because that's where so many of us lose ourselves. In that lonely and insecure space that "desires to be desired." That's where the little voice lives that tells us we're not good enough. That to be better, more desirable, we have to become something else entirely.
So as I continue to raise my girls, I'll try to keep that space in mind. Infiltrate it, even, and drown out the voice of insecurity and replace it with one of confidence.
I'm not sure what the best way to do that is, but my gut tells me it starts by being more concerned with how things feel than with how they look. And by being emotionally available. And actively involved. And a trusted confidant. And, perhaps most importantly, by encouraging the capacity for depth.
Because that's where you find self-confidence. Deep down inside.
On top of the treasure that is each of us.
- By John Cave Osborne
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5 Ways Television Benefits Kids (According to Ads from the 1950s)
The benefits of television...
Television was certainly a welcome sight as well as a novelty when it was first introduced. Maybe that's how some ads got away with making it appear so . . . wholesome and healthy.
Take a look at these 5 vintage ads (courtesy of Retronaut.co) and see if they might have prompted you to buy a TV for its virtue (and not just as a vice):
Only the best
1. Only the best
Take a deep breath and inhale that pipe smoke, son. We can laugh (and cough) together!
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Bigger is better
2. Bigger is better
This age-old mantra was used to sell TVs in the '50s ... and can still be seen today in ads for TVs. Some things never change ...
Standout picture
3. Standout picture
Forget about play and imagination! Your kids won't need to interact with anyone but the tube if you buy this TV!
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Family fun
4. Family fun
Don't talk to your kids! Now that's happy and fun!
Only 2 simple controls
5. Only 2 simple controls
Not only is your kid just watching TV, but with this TV he doesn't even have to use his brain to change the channels! Bonus!
- By Meredith Carroll
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Would You Let Your 10-year-old Get a Tattoo?
Chuntera Napier and her son Gaquan show off the tattoos. Would you let your 10-year-old get one?
"My son came to me and said, 'Mama, I want to get a tattoo with Malik on it, rest in peace,'" Napier told WSB-TV in Georgia. "It made me feel good to know to know that he wanted his brother on him."
But the problem is that Napier's son, Gaquan, is just 10 years old. And when someone at school noticed the ink on his arm, Napier got arrested for child cruelty and for being party to a crime.
Acworth, Georgia, police Chief Mike Wilkie said that while he sympathized with Napier and was sorry for her family's loss, police had no choice but to arrest her after confirming that the tattoo was against the law. The tattoo artist in Smyrna, Georgia, is being investigated.
"We hope they can find something that can sustain them through that loss, but this is not the way, and it is illegal, and it was something we were bound by the law to investigate and to prosecute," Wilkie said.
Napier, who has an armful of tats paying tribute to Malik, said that she didn't know it's illegal to allow a child under the age of 18 to get a tattoo. She spent last Tuesday night and Wednesday morning in jail, and is now out on bond.
"I always thought if a parent gives consent, then it's fine," Napier said. "How can somebody else say it's not OK? He's my child, and I have a right to say what I want for my child."
Gaquan was with Malik when he died in 2010 after being hit by a teenage driver, and the tattoo on his skinny upper arm is small and simple: His brother's name, his old jersey number (3), and the letters R.I.P. He told a local TV station that he wanted the tattoo "because it represent my brother."
"It's not like he's asking me if can I get him a SpongeBob," his mom pointed out. "He's asking me for something that's in remembrance of his brother. Well, how do I tell a child no?"
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Pregnant and Struck by Lightning: A Brief History
A Colorado mom who was struck by lightning- yes lightning-during her first trimester gave birth to a healthy baby girl this week. At three months pregnant, Stephanie Alberti was at a stock car race when she was knocked over and temporarily paralyzed by a freak bolt that hit her straight on. The next six months were spent worrying about how it will affect her unborn child. But after a difficult delivery- the child's umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck-Alberti gave birth to a health 6.5 pound baby girl.
Was this a first for modern medicine? I assumed so until I did a little digging.
In fact, lightning strikes and pregnancies go way back. The earliest occurrence on record is 1883. At least 12 cases have since been recorded. According to pregnancy medical journals, the survival rate for moms is 100 percent, while the survival rate for the fetus is about 50 percent. (That's the opposite of the odds in the movie "Powder" by the way.)
A similar case to Alberti's occurred in 1963 in Wales on a sheep farm. A young woman was also in her first trimester when she was hit by a bolt. Despite her initial burns and loss of consciousness, she healed quickly and eventually delivered a healthy baby.
Despite the rare misfortune of a freak lightning attack, the Handbook of Electrical Hazards and Accidents makes moms-to-be sound like moving targets. "Amniotic fluid is highly conducting," according to the journal's account of one instance, "and probably carried a substantial portion of the current."
But are babies who do survive the shock better off? Alberti's been joking that her child may have super-powers. Hear this now: A recently published biography of George Washington claims his mom, Mary, was mildly struck by lightning when she was pregnant with the country's first president.
One more weird lightning account for you: a very ancient letter published in the late 1880s in the American Journal of Medical Sciences asserts that a 70-year-old woman who was struck by lightning suddenly became fertile again and had to handle a heavy flow for the rest of her days.
Lightning works in mysterious ways, folks.
Related:
7 summer myths debunked
The rarest things to happen in a lifetime
Is it dangerous to shower during a thunderstorm?
The One Thing I'm Proud Of? Putting My Kid First
Noah
Noah is about to turn five. Not to sound cliché, but these five years have really flown by. From the very beginning, I have done everything I could to put my child first, to never mess up as a parent, and to always keep everything in my own life in perfect order so as to give him the best advantage possible.
Ummm… yeah, right.
As it turns out, keeping my own life in perfect order hasn't been something I've been very good at. One divorce later, I really questioned that. Two divorces later, there was nothing left to question. Perfect order became a fantasy to me. A holy grail of sorts.
Related: How does a dad talk to his daughter about tampons?
Never messing up as a parent, that also wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Sure, since the day he was born I proudly exclaimed that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, but it doesn't mean that I didn't secretly think I was that perfect parent. Then I yelled at him once for almost no reason. Then I tried to spank him once even though I swore I never would. Then I learned that sometimes I couldn't give him the time he should be getting from dad. Yep, as it turned out, being a perfect parent wasn't something I was very good at either.
But putting my child first… that is something I have come close to perfection with. I haven't been perfect with it, but rarely a decision has been made in the last half decade in which my son's little face didn't immediately flash in my mind first, and I wasn't able to base the entirety of my decision on what was best for him. And yes, that includes the divorces.
This isn't to say that sometimes I didn't make wrong calls. In fact, there were times when I would do something that I thought was putting my kid first when in all reality, it was probably the worst thing I could have done for him in the long run. Oh yes, I've learned some heavy lessons along the way.
Related: 10 ways I'm afraid being a SAHD will make my wife a man
But at the end of the day, I look at everything my kid has been through, I look at the champion he has become in spite of the challenges, and I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, I did a lot more of it right than I did wrong. Maybe, just maybe, a broken dad makes for a stronger dad, which in turn makes for a stronger son who will be able to survive the times life breaks him in the future.
Five years.
Kind of scary that as quick as that went, it will go again and he'll be blowing out ten big ones on top of his birthday cake.
I wonder if I'll be able to look back then the way I can look back now and know that I did my damndest. I wonder if I'll be able to say, "Look at all the ways this kid is stronger because of decisions that I made." I wonder if I'll be able to look at him then like I can look at him now and honestly think, I put my child first, every single time.
Oh, I'll make plenty of bad calls. Every parent will because there's no way they can see the future to know if their calls are good or not. Let's just hope the majority of 'em are good ones.
For 7 things you should never say to a stay-at-home dad, visit Babble
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Dan and Noah
Four Favorite Toys that Encourage Creativity
Planning on staying indoors this weekend? Here are four different ways to encourage the kiddos to be imaginative and creative.
Color-Me-In Note Cards
Color-Me-In Note Cards
Colored pencils, envelopes, and a "color wheel" guide set the tone for an artsy afternoon that's anything but paint by the numbers.
Available for preorder at chroniclebooks.com, $17 for a set of twenty.
Ty DIY Shower Curtain
Ty DIY Shower Curtain
Use the permanent marker to create a one-of-a-kind illustration.
Available at blueribbongeneralstore.net, $33.
Comfort Foods Worth Craving
Create Your Own Spin Art Kit
Create Your Own Spin Art Kit
Let the creativity spin. Includes a 4" spin top, 20 paper disks and three paints (yellow, blue and fuchsia).
Available at fredflare.com, $10
Seedling Design-Your-Own Superhero Cape
Seedling Design-Your-Own Superhero Cape
Your little day-saver will go up, up and away (or at lease into the neighbor's yard) in a one-of-a-kind cape. Embellish it with felt shapes, glitter glue, stars, and other out-of-this-world art supplies.
Available at buildingblocktoys.com, $40
MORE ON DAILYCANDYKIDS.COM
Apps for Paranoid Parents
By Brett Singer
To date, the Apple iTunes store boasts over 15 billion app downloads, and these apps have evolved far beyond games and productivity. Just as there are apps to help your children avoid being bullied, there are apps that can calm even the most paranoid parent. Many of these use GPS to track a child's location, so parents should read the license agreements more carefully than usual before downloading. There is a chance your kids may complain that you are "spying" on them -- just make sure to have a clear conversation about protecting them while respecting their privacy. Here are 10 apps that will help parents feel better about letting their children be more independent.
FBI Child ID
Created by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, this app lets parents store their children's photos plus other identification (height, weight, hair and eye color, age) for quick access if a child ever goes missing. The information is stored on the iPhone only until parents need to send it to authorities. Notable features include safety tips, checklists for what to do if something happens to your child, and shortcuts to dial 911 or the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Parents also have the ability to email info immediately to law enforcement agencies if the unthinkable occurs. (Free; iPhone, iPad)
Download FBI Child ID on iTunes
iEmergency ICE Family PRO
ICE stands for "In Case of Emergency," and this app allows parents to store important health data -- allergies, prescriptions, and medical conditions such as diabetes -- for an unlimited amount of family and friends. You can enter information about each person's doctor and hospital affiliation, health insurance, and even attorney contacts. The idea is to put all the data you need access to in one easy-to-find place. A free version called ICE iEmergency LITE is also available, but it allows parents to store only three profiles with limited information. ($2.99; iPhone, iPad)
Download iEmergency ICE Family PRO on iTunes
Find My Kids -- Footprints
Ever wish you could know where your child is, all the time? Using GPS in real time, this app helps you keep track of and automatically locate where your child goes with his phone. If he's traveling alone, you can confirm that he arrived at a specific destination, or if he's meeting up with friends, they can confirm each other's locations. Location info is never shared with anyone else beyond those who have permission to see it, and data is saved for later review. Even though the app is free, parents will need to purchase a subscription for the tracking feature. (Free to download, service requires a monthly fee; iPhone, iPad)
Download Find My Kids -- Footprints on iTunes
Family Tracker
Don't just track the kids; track the whereabouts of the entire family! This app keeps tabs on anyone you like, but only if the other person accepts the one-time tracking request. The app uses a built-in messaging system, separate from standard text messaging, that allows you to contact family members and receive notifications that they read your messages. You even have the capability to get your kid's attention by setting the device to "play a loud, annoying siren." For each device you wish to track, you'll need to buy the app separately. An optional subscription service is available for you to view and export GPS data from previous days. ($5.99; iPhone, iPad, Android)
Download Family Tracker on iTunes
Download Family Tracker on Android Market
Sex Offenders Search
If you just moved to a new neighborhood, or are planning to, you can research any neighborhood with this app. Simply activate your smartphone's GPS and connect to the National Sex Offender Registry to locate registered sex offenders and predators in the area. You can search by name, address, and zip code, and results will be displayed on an interactive map. Click on a location for more details, such as pictures, names, addresses, and a list of offenses. ($1.99; iPhone, iPad, Android)
Download Sex Offenders Search on iTunes
Download Sex Offenders Search on Android Market
Food Additives 2: Free
Whether or not your little one has a known food allergy, this app allows you to search for various unhealthy food additives. The free version contains information about 50 nasty additives, but a full app version with a list of 450-plus additives is available for $3.99. The list of additives can be sorted by name, risk level, symptoms, and diet (for example, gluten-free). The database is stored on your phone for easy access, even when you can't go online. (Free; iPhone, iPad)
Download Food Additives 2: Free on iTunes
Baby Monitor HD
Touted as the "next generation baby monitor" from Engadget, this camera/video app allows you to keep tabs on your baby's crib. Other features include password-protected audio and video, audio alerts, and infrared night mode, but only specific cameras (mostly Y-Cam and WiFi Baby) are compatible with this app. Check WiFiBaby.net and SunshineApps.com before purchasing Baby Monitor HD to make sure you have the correct combination of hardware and software. After purchase, Engadget.com has detailed setup instructions. ($9.99; iPhone, iPad; works only with specific cameras)
Download Baby Monitor HD on iTunes
iCam - Webcam Video Streaming
This app, which has been featured on Today, CNN, and Good Morning America, allows you to watch live video feeds from any room in your home with a mobile device. To be monitored, each room needs to have constantly running computers with webcams and the app's compatible software installed. The app developer's website has full instructions (skjm.com/icam/support.php) and a very short list of cameras that are not supported. You can make a donation via in-app purchasing to help reduce the company's server costs. ($4.99; iPhone, iPad, Android)
Download iCam -- Webcam Video Streaming on iTunes
Download iCam -- Webcam Video Streaming on Android Market
Alarm.com
Get real security with a complete system that includes mobile monitoring. Arm/disarm the system remotely, turn light sources on/off, and watch live and recorded video through installed cameras. Parents can get alerts about a variety of household happenings -- when the children get home from school, when someone is poking around the medicine or liquor cabinet, or when someone has changed the thermostat or left the garage door open. A subscription is required for a specific Alarm.com home monitoring service and the app works only with certain hardware. Pricing varies, depending on the specific services you are interested in, but you can purchase Alarm.com products and services just through certain retailers because the company does not sell directly to the general public. Check the Alarm.com website for details. (Free to download, service requires Alarm.com subscription; iPhone, iPad, Android)
Download Alarm.com on iTunes
Download Alarm.com on Android Market
SecuraFone
There are apps that locate your children, but how about one that tells you how fast they're driving? This app can do so by using the smartphone's built-in GPS. Plus, the SecuraFences feature sends notifications if your child goes beyond a designated geographic area. Parents can view 90 days' worth of map data using what the company website (www.securafone.com) calls a "breadcrumb trail" and access reports that include addresses and a history of all the alerts sent by the app. All this is done in the background of your smartphone via GPS, but a monthly subscription ($8.95) is required. (Free to download, service requires monthly subscription; iPhone, Android)
Download SecuraFone on iTunes
Download SecuraFone on Android Market
Related:
Couple Finally Reveals Child's Gender, Five Years After Birth
"I wanted to avoid all that stereotyping," Laxton said in an interview with the Cambridge News. "Stereotypes seem fundamentally stupid. Why would you want to slot people into boxes?"
Take a look at the most controversial parenting stories of the year.
Laxton, a UK-based web editor, and her partner, Cooper, decided to keep Sasha's sex a secret when he was still in the womb. The birth announcement stated the gender-neutral name of their child, but skipped the big reveal. Up until recently, the couple only told a few close friends and family members that Sasha was a boy and managed to keep the rest of the world in the dark. But now that he's starting school the secret's out.
For years, Becks has been referring to her child, the youngest of three, as "the infant" on her personal blog. But guarding the public from her son's gender was only part of her quest to let her kid just be a kid.
Sasha dresses in clothes he likes -- be it a hand-me-downs from his sister or his brother. The big no-no's are hyper-masculine outfits like skull-print shirts and cargo pants. In one photo, sent to friends and family, Sasha's dressed in a shiny pink girl's swimsuit. "Children like sparkly things," says Beck. "And if someone thought Sasha was a girl because he was wearing a pink swimming costume, then what effect would that have? "
Sasha's also not short on dolls, though Barbie is also off limits. "She's banned because she's horrible," Laxton says in the Cambridge interview.
On a macro level she hopes her son sets an example for other parents and makes them reconsider buying their own sons trucks or forcing their daughters into tights. She's seen how those consumer trappings affect how and who kids play with in the sandbox.
See how one preschool is fighting gender bias in the classroom
But the sandbox is just a precursor to the classroom. When Sasha turned five and headed to school, Laxton was forced to make her son's sex public. That meant Sasha would have to get used to being a boy in the eyes of his peers. Still, his mom is intervening. While the school requires different uniforms for boys and girls, Sasha wears a girl's blouse with his pants.
"I don't think I'd do it if I thought it was going to make him unhappy, but at the moment he's not really bothered either way. We haven't had any difficult scenarios yet."
Last year another couple, Kathy Witterick, 38, and David Stocker, 39, of Toronto made a similar decision when they had their baby, Storm. At the time, certain psychiatric experts voiced concern over their decision. "To have a sense of self and personal identity is a critical part of normal healthy development," Dr. Eugene Beresin, director of training in child and adolescent psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital, told ABC News. "This blocks that and sets the child up for bullying, scapegoating and marginalization."
But as parents well know, bullying is hard for any child to avoid. It's more important to raise someone who's confident enough in himself to overcome peer pressure. It's also important to have his parents have his back (remember the mom who defended her son's choice in a Halloween costume?) Maybe Sasha's early years will be character building, maybe he'll have a higher emotional quotient being raised with dual perspectives on gender. Or the reverse could be true: Sasha may have less of a formed identity because of his upbringing, and feel angry at his mom for dressing him in flowery shirts and telling the world about it. Then again, maybe he'll get over it.
As for Laxton, she says she's open to her son pursing any career or sexual preference he chooses as he matures. "As long as he has good relationships and good friends," she says, "then nothing else matters, does it?"
Related:
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8-year-old Juliet has something to thrash about.
More music at Music.Yahoo.com
"Let's open up this pit!" she yells, slamming on a trampoline filled with stuffed animals. She's wearing a T-Shirt that reads "I Heart Phuket," which is sure to give some helicopter parents heart palpitations. She tosses her long hair, windmills in the street, and howls.
The edgy, black-and-white video -- shot by her mom, photographer Kristina Childs, and produced by a family friend, Australian producer Rob Sharpe -- is interspersed with shots of her beloved dog, Robert, her pet fish, and Juliet in a deserted playground. Juliet wrote most of the lyrics herself, her mom says.
"Yes, this is her first music video," Childs told Yahoo! Shine. "It was all done as fun when Juliet was hanging out at our friend Rob Sharpe's house. He has a studio at home and they thought it would be fun to record a funny song to show me."
"Rob wrote and recorded the instruments over an hour, then got Juliet in to do the vocals which took about 15 minutes," she said. "When I heard the song, besides crying with laughter at how cute the whole thing was I said, 'I HAVE to make a film clip for this!' So a few days later, while we where having a play date at the park. I took the footage. I came home and edited it and posted it on YouTube so I could show my friends and family, then BOOM." The video garnered more than 4.8 million views in about 24 hours; T-shirts with Juliet's fierce scowl and "Let's open up this pit!" are already available at Myfirsthardcoresong.com.
According to her mom, Juliet's had a taste for hardcore music since she was tiny. "I have had music playing in our household since she was a baby," Childs says. "When she was a newborn the only way I could settle her to sleep was playing bands like Slipknot and Marilyn Manson."
Her dad, Steven Childs, is a singer/songwriter with the Australian band Bright Lights, and Juliet listens to a wide range of genres. "Juliet's music taste is quite eclectic," her mom says. "She will happily sing along to Jessie J, Johnny Cash or Michael Jackson."
The Brisbane, Australia-based 8-year-old doesn't have another music video in the works right now, though she thought this one was a lot of fun. "Juliet loves it, she thinks its very cool that she can show her friends," her mom says. "I think her audience may have broadened though."
Who needs sugar and spice when you can have metal and punk rock?
Also on Shine:
4-year-old Aelita Andre gets her own NY art show, sells paintings for $27K
Amazing musical kids: These little ones can really play
The 15 best and worst cartoon role models for girls
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Who Needs Testosterone? This Dad Says He's Got Enough, Thanks
Who needs testosterone?
While content in my new role as a stay-at-home dad, however, I was still perturbed to read about a study featured in the New York Times ("In Study, Fatherhood Leads to Loss in Testosterone") that correlates increased parenting with decreased masculinity. In sum, research showed that the more time a man spent with his child, the less male hormone he'd have in his bloodstream. Even before reading the article, the headline made my eyes narrow, my fists clench, my blood boil. With a frisson of indignation at the idea that being an involved father would make me less of a man, I responded as George Costanza once did in an episode of Seinfeld when his masculinity was called into question:
"Do you wanna have sex?" I asked of the world. "I'll have sex with you right now."
Related: Back off, moms! 7 places dads don't want to hear your advice
After the initial sense of emasculation, however, I began to wonder how bad it would be to have less testosterone. While I've clearly enjoyed many benefits of that male hormone pumping through my veins - the ability to sire a child, bone mass, a steady supply of erections - there have been drawbacks, too - getting kicked out of too many soccer games, a bald head, a time-consuming propensity to look at naked women online. So, while I wouldn't argue against testosterone, I certainly could concede that less of it might not be all that bad.
Plus, I do recognize that over the last year my parenting style has changed: I've become much more attuned to The Toddler's needs and much less invested in my own. When, twelve months ago, my son occasionally failed to fall asleep for his mid-day nap and thus interfered with my writing time, I would become annoyed. I'd swear to myself as I tried to coax him to sleep, muttering under my breath that the little brat was seriously impeding my attempts to add to the literary canon. But now when The Toddler is standing up in his crib at noon, giggling instead of snoozing, I respond by hurling myself into his bedroom, dancing in the doorway, sometimes attacking him with a green alien-man balloon. I tickle his belly and bite his feet and we laugh, two happy guys, until eventually my son does nap, wrapped in his blanket, holding his bottle, immersed in his father's love. If in spending that time with The Toddler I am less likely to write another self-deprecating, half-pornographic, probably un-publishable story about being a modern man, so be it - that's another trade-off I'm happy to make.
But despite these myriad ways I've matured as a parent over the past year, I have yet to see any evidence that my testosterone levels have decreased. There are plenty of refs at sporting events around the city that could vouch for that fact, as could any of the many people I regularly have trouble with when crossing the street. The last guy who just inched his car towards my stroller and my son when we had the right of way in the crosswalk, got the full testosterone treatment, and the only reason the earful of curses I fed him wasn't accompanied by my crawling through his window was that my wife was in a hurry to get to work.
Related: The Ron Swanson Guide to raising boys
In fact, I think I have an excess of testosterone - and it shapes the way I parent, too. My style is light on communication, but heavy on teaching survival skills and, truth be told, lunch. At this point The Toddler may barely say a word, but he does know where in the city to find a great cheeseburger and delicious banh mi, not to mention fresh tortillas in Queens, if it comes to that. Meanwhile, although my son is a good sharer, when some other kid steals his stuff from the sandbox, I've trained The Toddler to recapture it with the single-mindedness and dedication of Seal Team 6.
"The kid in the red shirt," I whispered to my boy the other day, pointing his little body in the right direction. "Behind the circular slide."
Another reason why I think this study is bunk is that my libido continues to rage. It rages in the marriage bed (where our various perversions are perhaps sanctified only because they occur within the bonds of holy matrimony), and in unexpected places, too. For instance, it was with innocent intentions that I first started taking The Toddler to Central Park every morning - to help him make friends and learn how to swing, slide, and climb - but I couldn't help notice that the place was swamped with hotties. While The Toddler frolicked every day at the playground, I reveled in what seemed a cauldron of teeming lubricity, with pretty nannies and beautiful moms at every turn.
Related: Are dads the new moms?
In recently answering a question of my wife's about a day at the park, I launched into a dissertation about all the gorgeous women I had ogled that day. My wife - wearing a look best described as "confounded" - clarified what she had been asking.
"Our son," she said more specifically. "How was the day in the park for our son?"
"Oh, him…," I answered.
How could it be, if my testosterone is abating, that I still find myself at the playground every morning doing terribly dirty things in my mind to all the nice women I have come to know there? Moms and nannies both have become my friends over the year, sharing with me children's toys and parenting advice, and in return I find myself imagining various kinks about all of them, defiling each and every one of them each and every day. It's disgusting, I know.
Related: The top 50 dad blogs - funniest, most confessional, and more!
So, while I don't know whether I believe that full-time fathering leads to less testosterone, neither do I care. Frankly, I've had enough already.
The other day, at a time of day when many of the fathers I know were at their offices, I was at the playground with my son. He saw me from afar and smiled, yelling "Daddy, Daddy" before sprinting over to throw his arms around my thigh and kiss my knee, puckering up his big, fat lips before giving me the tenderest touch. He stayed only a moment, with his eyes closed and his cheek pressed into my leg, his arms squeezing tight. "Uv u," he said in his soft voice, a phrase no one in the world heard but me. It was for me and only me. I wouldn't trade that moment for all the erections in the world.
- By Todd Farley
For 7 things you should NEVER say to a stay-at-home dad, visit Babble!
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Stay connected. Follow Babble on Facebook and Twitter.
Todd Farley
Amazon Moms say new diaper discount program reeks
Amazon Moms used to offer a great deal on diapers, but they've changed the program -- and parents aren't pleas …
So parents were understandably upset last week when Amazon.com announced new parameters for the program, with lower discounts and a limit on the free two-day shipping. But things really hit the fan when members found out that they'd need to purchase a $79-per-year Amazon Prime membership in order to keep their 15 percent Moms discount once the three-month trial period was over -- and that they couldn't even get one last order in at the lower price.
"What we find devastating is that they disabled the discount 10 days before they said they would," wrote Suzanna Gabulyan Forestell on the Amazon Moms Facebook page. "I've been a loyal customer for so many years and referred so many people to them and I cannot believe this is the treatment I am getting!"
Now parents feel betrayed, and some are considering a boycott or even a Class Action Lawsuit against the retailer.
"Amazon marketed themselves as a company for moms... a company that understood the needs of moms and lured many of us in under the pretense of a good deal. I feel totally used," commented Melody Alberti on Facebook.
Rosanna Lara agreed. "I'm very disappointed because I was planning on ordering a few more boxes of diapers before the change," she commented. "If we have to pay an extra $79 then I really don't see a savings nor do I see why I would give them anymore of my business."
Mir Kamin of Wantnot.net, a shopping site devoted to discounts, points out that Amazon Moms can still be a good deal, especially if you factor in not having to leave the house, clip coupons, or buy a warehouse club membership.
"It's still better than not belonging if you're truly buying a lot of diapers and wipes from them, and you feel like Prime is something that benefits you otherwise," Kamin said in an interview with Yahoo! Shine. Amazon Prime members get free two-day shipping across the site, and also have access to other services such as free streaming video and Kindle book rentals. "You have to ask yourself: 'Would I pay for Prime anyway?' If the answer is no, then don't."
There are lots of alternatives for those who'd rather take their business elsewhere. "Bear in mind that many other online diaper sources -- Walgreens and CVS, for example -- run regular coupons and free shipping specials, so it may be that they're occasionally the best online deal, too," Kamin points out. Diapers.com (which is owned by Amazon.com) and Drugstore.com also offer diaper deals, and Sam's Club, Costco, BJs, Walmart, and Target have store brands and solid sale prices. (On Friday, a package of 27 Huggies "Little Movers" size 4 diapers was $12.49 at CVS.com and $18.49 on Amazon).
Still, Amazon Mom customers are complaining about bait-and-switch tactics; Amazon.com representatives declined to give a reason for the changes.Others consider it just part of doing business. "I suspect this is a reaction to so many people signing up for Mom Prime who weren't really the diaper/wipes buying type, just for that free year of Prime," Kamin says.
But the bottom line is that the smaller discount leaves parents with less money in their pockets.
"There are times that I had gas in my tank to get to work only because of the savings I received," Janine Calvert wrote on Facebook. "No one is saying they shouldn't have raised their prices, but they did it so drastically and painfully… it is a slap in the face to long-term customers who have spent millions of dollars collectively with Amazon.com over the years."
Follow Yahoo! Shine on
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5 Easy DIY Valentines from Index Cards
And despite how you may feel about Valentine's Day, your kid will be super excited. Why? Because the class has probably been crafting up a Valentine's Day storm.
If you're looking for an inexpensive and easy way to make Valentine's Day cards with your kid(s), look no further. All you need is a pack of blank index cards (you can get a pack of 300 for two bucks!), markers or washable acrylic paint, scissors, and if you want to get fancy, a glue stick, a washable ink pad, and colored construction paper. (All stuff you probably already have, right?)
Fancier still? Pick up some Valentine's Day stamps, felt heart stickers, decorative pencils or lollipops.
Check out the slide show for details!
Share your family photos and any other fun, embarrassing or incredible moments that you have captured on the Moments of Motherhood Flickr Group. While you are here take part in discussions with other moms.
Saturday, 14 January 2012
What is for lunch? Meals at the school in the world
- 43 Minutes ago
Our children are happy, so choice (tariff simple, such as rice and beans, feature prominently in other countries), or our meals at school, offer more elements processed and preserved in chronic diseases such as diabetes and obesity exploit?
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Amazing children: 12-year-old girl catches burglars webcam
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Related: Hero of child: 5 years dedicated his earnings on the gifts of toys
Hallie "I had it a few pillows, for example, right over here," said journalists shows mobile. The family is on sale and forgotten Hallie turn off camera when they all leave in a day of doors open. When she had at home, she reviewed the video and was terrified, a man entered their room and the rifling through his things to see. Then, the thief has pushed a bracelet, a necklace and lose money in the pockets.
"she came down the stairs screaming:" someone crack us! "said that his father Chris Pritchard." "" We watched the video it was really shocking. »
Police identified the man as Douglas John Calandrella, 46-jährige real estate agent, who was already probation of first degree burglary. According to reports, the flight of open doors has a history Calandrella and they were sold on eBay.
This true Nancy Drew is proud of their actions. Young Pritchard, admits "not much, a 12 years a guy stealing catches arrive.". Calandrella is now behind bars are waiting for your process.
Remarkable children: exceptional children to do amazing things
An identity thief tell 13 things you
Heroes of the women, we salute you
Just Because You Didn't... Doesn't Mean You're a Bad Mom
bad-mom-1
Is anyone else sick of Beyonce baby news yet? Yeah, me too. Don't get me wrong-I love Beyonce. But enough is enough.
As I was reading the couple's statement-ha!-about the birth of baby Blue Ivy, I couldn't help but get tripped up on the fact that they made special note to say, "She was delivered naturally at a healthy 7 lbs." Okay, so what exactly is an unnatural birth? One via C-section? One that involves an epidural?
I'd like to think Beyonce didn't choose this particular phrasing to assert some kind of superiority, but let's be honest: moms are judgy. We've all experienced some sort of guilt trip because we didn't do something the "right" way. But at the end of the day, if your kid is happy and healthy, does it really matter if you had an epidural or only dressed him/her in organic clothes? Probably not.
So before your next playdate with the judgy mom on the block, read these 10 reminders and commit them to memory. Just because you didn't _____, doesn't mean you're a bad mom.
1. Breastfeed until your kid was 5. Or at all. Yes doctors agree that breastfeeding is the best option, but it's not the only option. So if, for whatever reason, you didn't breastfeed your kid, don't get down on yourself. It's not like you were starving your baby, after all. And countless formula babies have grown up to be perfectly healthy, smart, contributing members of society.
2. Have a "natural" birth. The idea of someone else's birth being more natural than someone else's has always irked me. Why does it matter if I had an epidural or a C-section? The baby came from my body and that's what's natural.
3. Let my baby cry it out. My daughter is 3 and she still sleeps with me, so yeah, I wasn't into that whole crying it out business. And just because she isn't sleeping in her own bed, doesn't mean she's maladjusted or developmentally delayed. She'll make it to her own bed when we're ready, hopefully minus all those nights of crying.
4. Obey the "No TV before 2″ rule. My daughter doesn't watch a lot of TV, but she definitely knew who Dora the Explorer was before her second birthday. But she can also count to 100, write all of her letters and numbers, spell her name and recite her telephone number. And hey, she knows a ton of Spanish too and Dora gets all the credit for that.
5. Dress your baby organics exclusively. Because before organic cotton and bamboo became all the rage, babies were perfectly fine wearing just plain ol' cotton.
6. Sign your kid up for every class at the YMCA. The way I see it, my daughter has her whole life to learn ballet and play the piano. Heck, if she wants to get into college her teenage life will be consumed by these activities. So for now, while she's still so young, it's perfectly fine by me to enjoy simple fun at the playground or around the house with her.
7. Quit your job to be a SAHM. Although it is easy to sometimes envy moms who don't have to deal with the guilt of leaving their kids every day, it's also pretty nice to have a built in break even if it is in the form of work. And that doesn't make you a bad mom. It's actually probably beneficial for your kid to see that moms sometimes have to work, too.
8. Start feeding my kid only the healthiest, most organic, free-range food out there. You know what? Your kid won't instantly develop a laundry list of medical issues from eating McDonald's or non-organic fruits and vegetables every once in a while. Trust me-I asked my pediatrician.
9. Stay in a relationship that made you unhappy. Sure, two parents under the same roof is ideal, but not if 1 or both of those parents is miserable. Simple as that.
Have any others to add? What have you been judged about?
Friday, 13 January 2012
Do “Tiger Moms” Raise Depressed Kids?
Related Link: Are Chinese Parents Really the Best Parents
In two research papers that will soon be published in the "Journal of Adolescence" and "New Directions for Adolescent Development," Qin, also a Chinese mother of two girls, takes a more nuanced look at both the benefits and drawbacks of the "Eastern" style of parenting as espoused by Chua. "Chinese American students are often perceived as problem-free high-achievers," Qin told Yahoo! Shine. "Recent research, however, suggests that high-achieving Chinese American students can experience elevated levels of stress, especially compared to their peers from other ethnic groups."
Qin also points out that students from Chinese families experience more depression and anxiety and lower self-esteem than their Caucasian counterparts. Qin notes: "My findings suggest that there are tremendous psychosocial challenges facing high-achieving students in a pressure cooker environment. At the high school I studied, according to a student survey, students slept an average of 5 to 6 hours every day … They were intensely competitive with their peers and calculated their GPA to the nth decimal point as soon as they got their report cards. Cheating was surprisingly common."
"When I first read Chua's book, I was mostly amused and surprised," says Qin. The book details how Chua demanded straight A's from her daughters; drilled them for hours a day; and forbade them from having play dates and sleepovers or didn't let them watch TV. Qin had heard about other Chinese parents, mostly from lower socio-economic backgrounds, who raised their kids with such extreme standards so they might have the opportunity to "get out of a village and into college." "But I was surprised that a Yale law school professor would parent this way." Qin, who moved to the United States in 1996, was raised by her grandparents. "My younger brother, who is a biochemist, and I are both what you would call 'high achievers.' But we were brought up with lots of unconditional love and little pressure."
Qin says, "I think in general, I am a pretty lenient parent. Part of it is due to my own research findings - the key role played by parents in children's mental health down the road." But, she still has high aspirations for her daughters who are now 4 and 2 years old. "I want my girls to do well in school, find something they are really interested in doing as a profession, and have curiosity and passion for their work and develop genuine care for those from less advantaged backgrounds." While she says she actually admires the hours that Chua spent working with her children each day, her own style of parenting emphasizes helping her girls develop their emotional intelligence, and she feels that "a child's happiness is vitally important" to their development.
Despite some of her criticism of Chua's work, Qin believes there are lessons to be learned from the "Tiger Mom." She agrees that children will develop true self-esteem when it is grounded in actual achievements instead of constant praise. "In the United States," she says, "parents are so worried about hurting the self esteem of their children and how others see them as parents." While she feels the Western parents tend to do better in taking care of children's emotional well-being, "Children do need adult guidance and discipline. They also need to hear honest feedback from their parents in a loving environment."
Related links:
Working Mothers Are Healthier (Study)
Three Ways to Help Your Child Cope with Anger
Are Americans Lazy? What the Statistics Say